Volunteering changes you – even when you stop volunteering!
Went for the first orientation visit this academic year and boy does it feel good to be back! I took sort of a one year break from CSC since I’ve stepped down due to academic reasons last academic year. During the few times I was back, things felt different. I couldn’t explain the feeling then and I thought it was because of the anxiety/stress about finding a job/internship, but I realized it now: volunteering changes you, even when you stop volunteering!
Why do I say so?
We may not notice it, but as we volunteer, subtle things are changing. Our perspectives on life, things that can make us happy, things we can tolerate, things that make us satisfied, etc. When I just started reading sociology last year, I took on a very bitter perspective on life. I started to see volunteering in very critical ways and kept telling myself “there is a season for everything” and it was not my season to be an active volunteer. I stayed away for most CSC projects unless people really needed help. During the few times I was there for visits, I wasn’t satisfied. I kept this disappointment to myself because I know that there is this void in my heart but I couldn’t pinpoint what was causing it. I felt very dissonant because going for visits and being part of the T.H.E.S family had always meant something special to me. I thought maybe I needed to catch a tv drama and I clocked a total of 9 dramas in a month (record high) but the restless feeling still lingered.
And I made the worse decision of all – I chose to ignore this dissonance.
It was only months later, i.e., now, after the first orientation visit, that I found out what went wrong. When I was volunteering actively, the spirit of volunteerism had already changed me without my knowing. Maybe being in the committee helped; I constantly stepped out of my comfort zone, was more grateful for little things, saw the good in people, could laugh at the silliest things… in short, I was happier. I’m not sure how this orientation visit had differed from the few visits I went for in the last AY; maybe it was because I was assigned to visit Mdm Cheong and she was one of the few elderly I was closer to last time, and seeing how she lost so much weight in old age makes me feel like I should try to spend more time with her. 有种想要疼惜她的感觉 (':
“瘦才比较美嘛!” Being the cheerful elderly she has always been since I knew her, she didn’t seem to think much of her weight loss. Went to her place so many times before but because she always directed the chores, I’ve never really noticed the stuff she puts on display which we weren’t told to clean, and so I’ve never asked about them before. But last Saturday, I noticed a bag of stuff placed in the display cupboard and found out that it was actually 4 months supply of medicine! It made me realize the importance of being an observant and emphatic volunteer who doesn't take what the elderly portray at surface level. It was very heartening to see that despite having to eat so many different types of medicine each day, she still took on a positive outlook on life. I felt shameful for feeling bitter about life the whole of last year when I already had so much more than others. I thought about the things that made me happy and things that I could be/have been happy for, and suddenly I felt grateful.
Thank you Mdm Cheong making me realize this (:
To the new volunteers: if you’ve decided to embark on this learning journey, be prepared to be transformed into a whole new self!
To the old volunteers: There is always more comfort in familiarity so thank you for being the familiar faces I see when I go back for visits! I hope that you guys will never have to go through what I went through last AY because that jaded feeling really isn’t very pleasant, so keep going for visits because I’m sure you guys have already been transformed! Hope to see you guys there when I’m back again! :D
P/S: special mention to kai him – thank you for remembering the first time you came for visit (and thankfully it was with me)! It was only when you brought it up that I remembered how visits were like to me in the past and realizing what had changed. Owe you one! J
With lots of love and gratitude,
