Last But Not Least

Posted by CSC T.H.E. Seniors on Wednesday, January 21, 2015 with No comments
To those who don't know, we won't be visiting Mdm. T until further notice due to health reasons. Because future posts will contain less of her, this last post will be a dedication to not what we have contributed to her life for the past few years that we have been visiting her, but rather how she has enriched ours.

As I attended T.H.E.S.' orientation visit in 2013, Mdm. T was the first elderly that I was assigned to visit. That was also my first time blogging about my experience (http://www.csctheseniors.blogspot.sg/2013/09/making-difference.html) which left a significant impact on me. Here are some photos we took with her during the faithful day of September 7, 2013.





Ever since that day, I looked forward to visiting her because I could remember vividly her cute and high-pitched chuckles. Of all things, I have a huge soft spot for the elderly; but it is still intriguing to me how accomplished I actually felt just by hearing her laughter every single time. And I thought we volunteers were the ones who were supposed to brighten her day.

Below shows the earliest photos we have of her with the volunteers that I dug up from our Facebook page.

An extremely sweet photo of Mdm. T smiling heartily (Ying Cong; September 17, 2011).

(Ying Cong; September 17, 2011)

Chillin' on the floor (Ying Cong; November 12, 2011).

Kok Seng being Mdm. T's number one fan (pun intended) (Jeremy Tay; December 22, 2012).

Chaur Ann feeding Mdm. T her favourite sushi (Ang Shuang Shuang; June 28, 2014).

(Ang Shuang Shuang; June 28, 2014)

Threading needles for Mdm. T (Vernon Lim; August 30, 2014).

Louise having tangyuan with a seemingly satisfied and very adorable Mdm. T during last year's Winter Solstice Festival Celebration, when volunteers made tangyuan together with the beneficiaries (Lim Kah Suan; December 26, 2014).


This visit when she talked to Jie Yang and I (December 13, 2014) about her being in the news is definitely worth mentioning. The picture above spanned half a page of the hard copy of The Sunday Times (December 7, 2014) newspaper and was proudly presented on the doors of TSAC for a whole month. The man Mdm. T's touching is Mr. Toh Yong Chuan, writer of the article whom shared his experiences regarding the elderly he visited as well as his thoughts about them.

Mdm. T was not mentioned in his article except for the caption under the photo that just said Mr. Toh visited her. When Jie Yang and I decided to ask her about it, we were surprised she actually kept a folded copy in her drawer. She sat down on the floor with us and started becoming very concerned with what was written about her. She came to know about the article when a friend approached her during her usual daily 8-9am exercises. To our amusement, she was pretty upset that she appeared in the news. Funnily, she told us she took all the newspapers from her friends to prevent them from finding this picture of her!

We described to her where she was in the photo and what the article said. We had to reassure her repeatedly that nothing bad was written about her, which was her main concern. She looked really worried, but she smiled a little after we told her how rare a chance is was to actually appear in the national news, needless to say spanning half a page; something people would be envious of her about. She finally managed a chuckle - music to one's ears ~

Mdm. C and Mdm. T together at one of our previous celebrations (Ang Wei Feng; January 3, 2015).

This is the latest photo of Mdm. T that Wei Feng posted on our Facebook page. It was quite surprising to most of us, so when I visited Mdm. T together with Charmaine (January 10, 2015), we asked if she knew Mdm. C. We spent a while talking and finally, we were sure that we were talking about the same person. So yes, Mdm. T knows Mdm. C and even Mdm. H from the neighbouring block. According to Mdm. T, Mdm. C is a very helpful and clever person. Mdm. C could 'run' all over the neighbourhood to help Mdm. H buy groceries since it was not convenient for Mdm. H to leave the house. Mdm. C could speak Hokkien really fluently which I didn't know. Mdm. T also knows Mdm. H, though when Charmaine and I tried to pronounce the initial to her, she kept mistaking it for 'Koh' instead. She said Mdm. H has not come downstairs for a long time, but looked relieved when we told her Mdm. H is well. It is very touching to know that the older generations still uphold such a strong sense of civil mindedness and care for one another. The younger generations pale in comparison as we feel awkward and unfriendly during first impressions, while the older generations, as traditional as we may think they are, are so welcoming and jovial, that at the end of our conversations they always leave a warm and fuzzy feeling inside me. I always leave with more than I thought I could give.

During one visit, I checked the expiration dates of the foods she had. The chicken essence we gave her during one of our mini celebrations expired but she felt very 'sayang' to have to throw it away. The following visit, I brought one from home to replace it. She was super grateful and wanted to pay me. Just a random moment I remembered that I thought I should record.

During another visit, I visited Mdm. T alone. I was afraid I won't be able to continue our conversation for the whole 2 hours that I was there. Surprisingly, I wished the time lasted longer. Since it was only the both of us, Mdm. T joined me and sat down on the floor. She initially squatted; for 5 minutes. It was pretty impressive that she was not bothered by the ache that most of us would feel after about 30 seconds. I decided to be unglam and laid down on the floor while we continued chatting. When I asked her why she didn't have a phone, which would have better facilitated in her children contacting her and vice versa, she told me how she always dialed the wrong number since she could not see very well. Also, she kept receiving a phone call from another aunty who continued to call her despite having been told it was the wrong number. She told me this aunty wanted to look for her son, Ah Geok. They eventually got to chat a little, of which according to Mdm. T, that aunty lived in Bugis and although spoke Hokkien to her, had a Cantonese accent. The aunty called a few times everyday, most likely out of loneliness in spite of Mdm. T repeatedly telling her it is the wrong number. Eventually, Mdm. T removed her phone because she didn't want to increase her telephone bills.

Mdm. T does not know how the aunty is now, but I believe the aunty must have felt very confused when the number was not available anymore. It was a bit heartbreaking for me. It was through fate that brought them together, since there are infinite combinations of phone numbers, so landing on one accidentally and having found someone who was willing to chat with you, especially at their age, is a blessing. Although they are out of reach from each other now, that brief period of friendship kept each of them company for a while. And for them, I believe it is important to live happily in the present, and not always worry about what tomorrow may bring.

To them, it seems extremely easy and natural for two strangers to start a conversation and continue with it. As compared to us, we don't even talk much to our own family. We see the older generations chilling at the coffee shops and think, we hope to be like them someday. However, there is one thing that we will never see, if we don't try to look deeper. We, volunteers, have what I might say the 'privilege' to see the darker side of the older generations many of the younger ones won't get to know. One extraordinary trait that I really respect the older generations for is their abysmal selflessness. They help each other without having any strings attached. They take care of their own parents all the way till their last breath because that is the filial thing to do. They bring up their children and provide them with the best they can afford even during the hardest times. Despite all these, they have never uttered a word of complaint. It was always others before self.

However, behind their strong fronts always exist their lonely selves which they almost never reveal to anyone. As they age day by day, their bodies get weaker, their breaths get shorter, but their mentalities remain intact. Instead of asking for something in return for all that they have done, they would rather blame themselves for their incompetence and being a burden to the society. The only thing they wish for, sadly, is to end their lives swiftly, instead of dying a little day by day. Every time an elderly tells me this, it leaves me helpless and speechless. It is difficult to hold back the tears then.

Despite juggling with school work, we as volunteers, try our best to keep our elderly, or any of the less fortunate we are serving happy because we want to. But let's not to forget our parents, grandparents, siblings and any loved ones whom we go home to every single day. Leave our pride and egocentrism behind us and show them our appreciation and acknowledgement, before we are left with guilt and regret.

Mdm. T has left me with unforgettable memories. Although she does not really remember me as time went by, I try to go by 'the person who gave you the chicken essence' so she would have some recollection. As she kept apologising for not being able to recognise anyone of us, we constantly reassure her that it is okay as long as we remember her.

We will still see Mdm. T around at the void deck of her block during facil as she will be waiting to collect food, so if anyone would like to see her, do let me know. This is my bit about Mdm. T. Do share here your experiences with Mdm. T too!

- Joelle